Rafa Benitez - Real Father Of Jacko's Kids?

Shock news for LFC players and fans today as it was revealed beloved club boss Rafa Benitez may actually be the real father of Jacko's kids. Rafa, shown here after eating the seven tons of paella a day he needs to stay alive, refused to comment, which according to the strict legal definitions every tabloid journalist is obliged to follow proves every claim in this article is true. In fact, in desperation Benitez even tried to throw this reporter off his trail by claiming his real name was actually Bob Klein, and he was really a doctor in something that sounded a bit like spidermanology.

An insider with a Scottish accent bearing a remarkable resemblance to Alex Ferguson's told this reporter, "with a wee bit of luck this might actually bring down the final curtain on the fat bastard's Anfield career before he finally takes the Premiership off me in the forthcoming season."

While another insider with a Scottish accent bearing a remarkable resemblance to David Moyes', insisted he lived near enough to Benitez to be practically a neighbour, and claimed to've overheard a conversation outside Goodison between a Spanish couple who could've conceivably been Benitez and his beloved wife Montse viewed from out the corner of his eye and while the sun was dazzling him.

Admitting he didn't understand a word of Spanish and, for that matter - in the judgement of this reporter - could hardly speak English, the Everton shirt wearing insider insisted he could've sworn Montse was telling Benitez, (shown here admitting he may well actually be the father of at least one of Jacko's kids), "By the time my lawyers've finished with you, you really will be working as a fat Spanish waiter!"