German ace, Sebastien Vettel shocked the F1 motor racing world today when he finally confirmed the rumours: "My monocoque got smashed at the opening race in Australia."

Brave Vettel, (shown her attempting to illustrate what happened), also admitted as a result of the damage his monocoque's received, he's now been reduced to the level of calling his latest Red Bull car Kate’s Dirty Sister...Like a ship, it should be named after a girl as it’s sexy"

In response to Vettel's increasingly erratic and rambling remarks, a well known insider, (who looks a little bit like Andy Warhol, only considerably older and much, much shorter), stated to this reporter, "Clearly he's growing more and more confused, and seems to've become convinced his car is now really his girlfriend. It's tragic really, but not that surprising when you consider he's a young man who's just lost his monocoque."
As a result of what happened, Vettel, (seen here offering to show Max Webber what it felt like), and his Red Bull Team Boss Christian Horner have suggested air bags between the legs ought to now be made compulsory in all F1 cars.

It is thought though current F1 supremo Max Moseley is likely to be strenuously opposed to this.