Shock news today as claims Rafa Benitez, (shown here in his early days as a Real Madrid goalkeeper), killed a leading Manchester United player turn out to be untrue.
Benitez, it seems, actually killed a hippopotamus.
Apologizing profusely for the animal's death, Benitez says, "It was a mistake anyone could've made. All I saw was the top half of an enormous mishapen head half way out the water, a pair of evil beady eyes staring at me through some reeds, a pair of huge flaring nostrils sucking in air, silly askew balloon tie ears, and a row of huge crooked tombstone teeth.
"Who else could it be but Wayne Rooney or Rio Ferdinand? But saying that, we're talking about something so monstrously deformed, so revolting to the eye that, of course, it could've been any of United's players.
"Tragically, though, the world is now less one hippo."
(Wayne Rooney, seen training yesterday)
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